


You Blocked Me On Facebook And Now You're Going To Die!

by Marchyhare



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Smut, Songfic, Sorry Not Sorry, Teasing, Top Victor Nikiforov, controling victor, i just cant help myself, it just came to me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 21:30:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11113251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marchyhare/pseuds/Marchyhare
Summary: Viktor gets carried away whilst looking at Yuuris old facebook posts and pictures and possibly comments some rather inappropriate stuff. In short Yuuri gets pissed and blocks him which Vikor does not take kindly to so makes Yuuri suffer a bit.





	You Blocked Me On Facebook And Now You're Going To Die!

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! My first story up here.  
> I was listening to the song that this fic is named for and I just had to write a funny fluff/smut piece with these 2 adorable idiots as I feel this is kinda what theyd be like.  
> Enjoy!

**You blocked me on Facebook now you’re going to die!**  
_Yuri blocks Victor on Facebook after a stream of inappropriate comments on his old posts, Victor is not pleased!_

“I swear Viktor if this is you again I’m going to castrate you with your own skate!”  
Yuuri had been awoken by his phone vibrating across the bed side table with a constant stream of notifications bombarding it. Rolling across the bed he lifted his phone and let out a frustrated sigh seeing all the “THE Viktor Nikiforov liked this” and “THE Viktor Nikiforov commented on that”. Another disgruntled sigh, he still couldn’t believe Viktor’s Facebook username, vein or what!  
“Right where’s your skates?”  
“I’m not telling you! I like my balls attached to my body thanks!” Viktor popped his head around the door frame, “Can you blame me I mean look how cute all your old photos are!” He dodged as a pillow came flying towards him.  
“How in the world do you think these comments are appropriate? Like this one “I’d like to squeeze those cheeks oh wait I am ;P” or this one on a stupid quiz thing “Yes you are the submissive type ;D”, this is so embarrassing” Yuuri buried his face in his hands.  
“Come on sweet cheeks I’m just messing.” Viktor came to sit on the bed.  
“You do this again and I’m blocking you and your skates will meet a very intimate part of your body!”  
“So my balls are safe?” Eyes beaming like a puppy.  
“For now, but just remem…ah Viktor no!” the sentence was abruptly stopped by a Viktor pouncing on Yuuri tickling down his sides. This quickly progressed into something much steamier. Before it got into full blown sex session Yuuri pushed him away saying they needed to get to practice. Viktor of course whimpered in complaint but suddenly quick as a shot got up and went to get ready. Yuuri giggled to himself it was like living with 2 dogs living with Viktor and Makkachin.  
“Yuuri I can’t believe Viktor is posting that stuff on your old posts!” During Yuuris break at practise Phichit gave him a call after discovering all these comments.  
“Phichit I swear he’s insufferable sometimes, remind me again why I decided this man was the one for me???”  
“Childhood crush, idol, bond over skating all that jazz” Reeled off Phichit. Unbeknownst to Yuuri Viktor was stood right behind him.  
“True true but he drives me crazy sometimes.”  
“You wound me Yurochka.” Nose in the air Viktor skated off.  
“Oh shit Phichit I better go if I wish to survive practice this afternoon!”  
“May the odds be ever in your favour!” Laughing Phichit hung up the phone.  
Yuuri flopped his head down sighing, “Viktor come back, you know I love you, you idiot.” He chased down his other half, following him around profusely apologising. Viktor did indeed work him into the ice the rest of the day.  
“Vitya, please I’m sorry but please I’m so tired and every muscle even, ones I didn’t know about, ache!” Double over at the wall gripping on to the edge begging for the torture to be over.  
“I thought you had stamina Yuuri but what do I know I thought you loved me but I was wrong there.” He turned away but not quick enough for Yuuri not to glance the smirk that was playing across Viktors face.  
“Oh come on you know as well as I do I was joking around.”  
“Hmm,” finger pressed against his solemn mouth then with a flourish, “OK! Practice over lets go home you can cook for me!” Viktor dragged the limp form of Yuuri behind him. Yuuri thinking how this man had him wrapped around his finger.  
A couple days later Yuuri was on his own at the rink as Victor was having a day off. Naturally whilst skating he didn’t have his phone on him so couldn’t see all the notifications push their way onto the screen, that was until he came off the ice and picked up his phone.  
“ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!” So infrequent was it to hear Yuuri Katsuki both shouting and swearing the other few skaters around stopped and stared. Yuuri looked around blushing and apologised.  
“What’s the old idiot done now?” Yurio approached him with his normal stand offish attitude.  
“Just look at this!” Yuuri flashed his phone showing a particularly lewd conversation between Viktor and Christophe on a picture of him from his Eros performance. It went like ‘Viktor I’m so jealous that’s some fine ass’, ‘Don’t I know it and I get to see it naked, true Eros!’, ‘I bet that’s a nice view bouncing up and down ;P’, ‘mmhmm ;)’.  
“That’s just disgusting!” Yurio pushed the phone away gagging, he hadn’t wanted to know that information.  
“That’s it he’s getting blocked, I warned him.” Yuuri quickly found the button and blocked Viktor from his Facebook page.  
“He’s going to kill you.” Yurio shrugged and left Yuuri.  
No sooner had he blocked him than his phone started ringing, a picture of Viktor winking at him emblazoned his phones screen. He sighed and answered.  
“You blocked me! You actually blocked me!”  
“I told you I would if you carried on with those comments!”  
“Oh come on Chris started that one.”  
“Yeah but you didn’t have to respond.”  
“Right that’s it you blocked me on Facebook prepare to die.” And the phone was hung up. Yuuri could only sigh at his boyfriends behaviour, he knew he wasn’t actually gonna kill Yuuri but he was going to be super difficult to be around for the foreseeable future.  
As soon as he got home and saw what Viktor had done he just slumped against the door and thought ‘yep this is hell.’ Viktor had packed suitcases and put them near the door, Yuuri didn’t know and wasn’t going to find out whose stuff was inside, walking into the kitchen he saw that the fridge had been separated into shelves of what Viktor had bought and what Yuuri had bought.  
“This is just ridiculous.” He went to find Viktor, of course he was in their bed room, he walked in. “Viktor what’s with all …”  
“Excuse me but please knock before entering my room.” Viktor was being cold and didn’t even look up from the book he was fake reading.  
“Really? You’re gonna be like that?”  
“Yep.”  
“Fine I’m going to get a shower.” Yuuri wasn’t going to let Viktor win this little game. Leaving the bedroom door open he went to the bathroom and showered. When he left the bathroom again he closed the door slightly hard than normal just to make sure Viktor knew he was coming out. Viktor glanced up to see a completely butt naked Yuuri stroll past the bedroom and towards the kitchen. He couldn’t help be drawn to that body so followed him.  
“I’m making dinner, it’ll be ready in 30 minutes.” Of course Yuuri knew Viktor had followed him. Although he was shy in public he knew exactly the sexual allure he had at home. Next thing he knew his ass was being grabbed and squeezed. Yuuri batted the hands away.  
“I don’t think that is appropriate behaviour to do with your flatmate.” Yuuri pointedly looked Viktor in the eyes stubbornness written all over it.  
“I’ve blocked you from my bedroom not from my life like you’ve done to me.”  
“I blocked you on Facebook Viktor not my life.” Yuuri put the knife down sighing, turning around to fully face Viktor.  
“But now I can’t see all the wonderful little things my Yuuri posts about or has done before me.”  
“You could just ask me. Plus all those comments you write a rather personal and as much as I’m sexual and confident at home I don’t want the entirety of Facebook knowing about our personal life.” Yuuri looked a bit sad upon saying this and Viktor stared wide eyed.  
“Oh babe I didn’t realise it actually hurt you I was just joking around and wanting to show off that you were mine.” Viktor pulled him into a tight hug.  
“Ok now that’s done with I’m making Katsudon for dinner.” He turned back around to continue preparing food but he found that 2 arms were winding their way around his waist and pulling him back.  
“Good I was in the mood for Japanese.”  
“Well then let me carry on … Oh…” Yuuri sometimes wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. He put the knife down and let himself be carried away to the bedroom. He was thrown down on the bed with a Viktor looming over him. He moved to sit up but Viktor just leant forward and pushed him back with just one hand against his chest so that his middle finger was at the base of his throat between his collarbones applying a slight bit of pressure. A quizzically aroused look crossed Yuuris face.  
“Oh you didn’t think I was going to let you off that easy? You were mean to me Yuuri, now I’m going to be mean to you.”  
More pressure was placed on the hand on Yuuris chest creating a feeling of short breath as Viktor leaned down to kiss him. It was a closed mouth kiss which Yuuri tried to change by probing his tongue but access was denied to him. A whine fell from his lips.  
“Don’t worry my little piggy you will be satisfied just when I think the time is right.” Yuuri just squirmed knowing that his plan had backfired, he’d lost and was going to pay for actions. Viktor set to exploring the body he knew all too well but, with great resilience, avoided the expected areas like his nipples, butt, inner thighs, butt and crotch. In a desperate attempt to control the situation Yuuri kept shifting to try push Viktor into touching the areas he wanted him to touch but each time he moved Viktor, quick as a flash, moved to a different area. Arms curled around Viktors shoulders applying pressure. Viktor pulled Yuuris arms off him and splayed them out wide pinning them down with his own hands.  
“ah ah I don’t think so” Viktor had a wicked smirk on his face. As much as Yuuri hated not having any control what so ever it was turning him on massively and Viktor knew this.  
“Vitya please.” Eyes wide begging.  
“Hmm please what, Yuu~ri? What makes you think I want to go all the way?”  
“This!” Yuuri arched up his hips to push against Viktors just low enough crotch forcing their arousals to grind against each other. Viktors smirk dropped replaced by scrunched features and a small huff. Viktor just pushed his crotch down return Yuuri flat to the bed allowing the contact to remain for a brief while before lifting off leaving a couple centimetres between them.  
“Fair play. Now hold onto the headboard and don’t let go or I’ll stop.”  
Yuuris hands were pulled up to the head board and like a good boy he gripped on tight. Viktors hands immediately went for his inner thighs squeezing and massaging them eliciting many small moans from Yuuris lips. Working their way up they finally clasped around Yuuris awaiting erection making him wriggle trying to get more contact and moan loudly to encourage Viktor onwards.  
“See this is what good boys get.” He licked up the side of Yuuris throat and nipped at the earlobe. Viktor worked his shaft expertly, varying pressure and stroke lengths so Yuuri could never guess what action would be happening next, it only heightened the experience. Viktor gave a twist at the top and Yuuri jerked his body at the sensation. After this Yuuri started rocking his hips to try and match Viktor but it never worked. With such an irregular pleasurable pace going Yuuri was going to hold out much longer.  
“Vitya, I’m…” and all touching was gone. Yuuri lifted his head in curiosity and just saw Viktor smiling, he groaned dropping his head back to his pillows. “This is going to be torture!”  
“Exactly!” Viktor proclaimed right before licking at Yuuris dick deeming the time gap long enough for Yuuri to have recovered a bit.  
“AH!” he yelped at the surprise contact of Viktors tongue. His tongue worked masterfully along the length in front of it swirling, licking, prodding every part. Particular attention was paid to the head which was slick with saliva and pre-cum from the previous administrations. Viktor was having a lot of fun but subconsciously kept grinding himself against his lovers knee in excitement, so he spread Yuuris legs further apart to try remove the distraction. Obstacle gone he could continue his torture. He placed a kiss right on the slit then slowly started to suck. The noises coming from Yuuri would make anyone think he had been possessed. Little by little Viktor engulfed more of the delight offered to him but between each movement down he would stop to lick and suck so the action was slow. He took in as much as he could take and just held in place letting his tongue swirl around the base inside his mouth. Once satisfied with the wait he moved back up whilst sucking driving the man below him wild. Again he focused only on the head but this time he undulated his body for Yuuri to watch adding a whole other level of pleasure to the mix.  
“Vitya, I’m…” once again all touching completely stopped but this time Viktor left the bed. “Where you going I’ve been good, I haven’t let go, see!” Yuuris hands were still very firmly gripping the head board.  
“Unless you wish to be incredibly sore I suggest we need this.” He wiggled a bottle of lube. Blushing Yuuri looked to the side muttering.  
“If it meant you fucking me I’d deal with the soreness.”  
“What was that my sweet.” Viktor return to his position between Yuuris legs and squirting some lube across his fingers. Yuuri just blushed harder knowing full well Viktor had heard him he was just being mean. Fingers started to rub against his hole.  
“It’ll be a shame to stop the fun here, now tell my what you just said.”  
“You’re the only one having fun here, now please just FUCK ME!” Yuuri was getting frustrated with the lack of satisfaction he was getting but Viktor seemed to be getting it all.  
“All in due course my love.” One finger circled and the pushed gently until it popped through the ring of muscle and into Yuuri. The finger delved deep but not too deep exploring all of the inside of Yuuri. Twisting, pushing, prodding, bending, wiggling. One earnest prod hit something inside Yuuri.  
“AH! YES!” but then the finger was gone. 10 painful seconds later 2 fingers were inserted carrying out the same actions as the first finger. This time when they assaulted the bundle of nerves they were not removed rather they bundle was avoided in favour of a different action. With the way Viktor was working Yuuri he was becoming amply stretched and very slick awaiting the next and final stage. Viktor wanted to push him to the edge one more time so continued with the fingers until,  
“Vitya, I’m…” Boom fingers gone but this time Viktor moved up and kissed Yuuri passionately.  
“Do you want more?”  
“Oh god yes! Please Vitya I’m dying here! Please I’m sorry I blocked you! Please just fuck me now!”  
“Wow what beautiful begging.” Yuuri hadn’t seen Viktor pulling down his bottoms to reveal himself so when he suddenly thrust into Yuuri he screamed so loud he was sure there would be noise complaints from the whole country!  
Despite the fast start Viktor then slowed it right done so he was either buried inside just grinding down or he was slowly removing his cock till it was almost fully out then sliding it back in again. Yuuri was moaning incoherently and writher against Viktor making it very difficult to stay controlled. He stuck with the removal and reinsertion technique but started building up speed. He was gone, pleasure had taken him and he just wanted raw dirty sex.  
“Use your hands.” But a whisper in Yuuris ear and his hands were rapidly gripping onto Viktors back grabbing at whatever he could, nails digging and dancing across skin in a frenzy of passion leaving little red trails in their wake.  
Now pounding into Yuuri at an unrelenting pace chasing the pleasure, Viktor dropped his head to Yuuris neck biting down and leaving a mark claiming him. Walls clenched around him driving him oh so close to the edge all it would take was,  
“Vitya, I’m close, I’m going to cum, please cum inside me!”  
That was it both of the men climaxed at the same time. Viktor coating the inside of Yuuri with white further marking him, Yuuri, having been teased so much, came almost like an explosion with white shooting up his abdomen and chest. Viktor stayed still inside Yuuri for a while regaining his breathe before slipping out of him and admiring the white liquid flowing out. He grabbed his trousers from his side a wiped them down. Far too tired for a shower now the couple scooted under the blankets and cuddled up to each other.  
“I died.”  
“I love you too.”  
They fell asleep so comfy and satisfied.

A phone vibrated close by but this time it was Viktors phone not Yuuris. Viktor stirred and reached across to look at the offending item.  
‘Yuuri Katsuki has added you as a friend’  
Viktor smiled hitting the accept button then rolled over hugging his partner close and giving him a big lovable kiss.  
“Learnt your lesson?” Yuuri asked.  
“Yes darling, but if this is what happens when I’m naughty I might have to do it again.”  
Yuuri just grunted hitting Viktor with a pillow.  
“Sometimes you really are insufferable you know that?” Viktor smiled brightly.


End file.
